dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
