me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
