Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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