i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
