Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
