I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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