I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
