when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
