there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
