She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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