Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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