I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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