Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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