I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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