Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
