why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
