remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Still dying that you shit outside
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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