I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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