Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
