The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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