Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
