You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
