He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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