Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
