I hate your face
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
