she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
