If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
