At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I touched a dick in church today
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
