Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
