Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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