Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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