I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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