If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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