Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
