Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
