He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We left an ass print on the piano.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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