what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My penis needs a shock collar
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
