Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
