Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
