hotel room ftw
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
