dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
