i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
