i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
