i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
