I will die if light touches me.
Non-Jews are for practice
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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