this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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