My Higher Power is John Stamos
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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