guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
