i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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