Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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