wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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