I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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