Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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