so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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